Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Ryan's Thoughts #8: Becoming My Own

Two years ago I had entered this school as a cliché. I thought that I was a "special" student because I had never gotten a poor grade before, when in reality I was just another run-of-the-mill good student. I was just a dry student that thought he was more unique than he actually was. This misconception caused me trouble at the beginning of seventh grade, but this class helped me realize the fact that I needed to become my own and it also assisted me in overcoming this problem.

Personality is what I was lacking and creativity is what I needed. Along with art, literature and everything else in that realm is, in my opinion, the highest creativity demanding and promoting course that you could take. Since my art skills are that of an incompetent penguin, I took Advanced Language Arts seriously and searched for growth. The first step was getting away from all the artificial writing that would be the definition for a stereotypical school paper. I started to write about topics that are real and topics that I actually care about rather than why I think A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is a super-duper novel that every child should read. As I did this my self-awareness and self-confidence shot through the roof. For once, I was having thoughts of my own, rather than those manufactured by the school. I finally became an independent mind talking, sometimes ranting, about what I actually care about, and through this I became a better writer, too.

Overall, this class has helped me find my voice. Sure there were some points where I didn't want to do an assignment or just wanted to sleep, but there were even more days where I was actually excited to come to class, which is hard to find in middle school. At this point, I'm unsure if I grew more as a writer and reader or if I grew more as an individual.  Now as I head into high school, I will become more confident and will continue to enhance and refine my skills. All I needed was a push, and that's what I got from this class, and with that push I became myself.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Figment

Author's Note: This is my second response to the Truman Response and I'm trying to mimic Truman's life. This is not completed and I am still working on it so I will try to finish it as soon as possible. 

Ah, what a beautiful day! The sun is out, the birds are singing, music to my ears. My beautiful wife pours a hot cup of coffee into my favorite porcelain cup and serves it to me in the kindest of ways. She makes herself a cup and sits down beside me, caressing my hand, as we sip and sip upon our drinks.

"Another beautiful day here. It sure is nice, isn't it, my dear?"

"Yes, yes. Is there a better place in all the world?"

"No," The abruptness in her voice in her voice came off in a way I rarely saw from her, but I presumed it was only accidental. "I'm sorry. That sounded harsh, didn't it? I just never know how what I say will come out." We laughed it off and went on with the impeccable, relaxing daily routine.

I finished my cup of coffee, grabbed my overcoat, adjusted my tie, kissed my wife, and hopped into my sports car. Since it was a nice day and the sun was out I rolled down the roof of the car and let the wind rush through the individual strands of my hair. I liked my hair. The blondness of it glistened in the sunlight and the tips touched lightly to my eyebrows. Some might say my hair was long and childish, but I disagree. The perfection of its imperfection portrayed a happy man who had his priorities set straight before him. That is just the kind of guy I am.

I work at an entertainment agency used for actors, dancers, and singers, pretty much everything under the sun. Or everything under the spotlight. I myself have no sense of performing, but my sense of numbers was challenged by none. I am the best in all of Bullock, which is fortunate enough to have me as one of its residents, and I am the best that Bullock has ever seen. Each day I powered through the work of three men and did it with a smile on my face.

Today, I had a "large" task before me, but that label was only for the average worker. One of the best musicians known to man was coming to our agency and my job was to help him get out of his overwhelming debt. This was commonly seen among the musicians. I don't know why, but it was always them who had money problems. The actors knew how to handle money, but the musicians always were in debt. Millions of dollars sometimes, too. One might call them frustrating, but I think of them as a blessing. The more they are in debt, the more money I make. It was simple economics.

In Progress

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Too Perfect

Author's Note: This is an existential poem which I wrote in response to the Truman Show. I know that the syntax isn't perfect but that was kind of the point.

Life, so perfect
too perfect

An unrealistic reality
seeming to be genuine
yet seems so artificial

The people, so kind
too kind

Their ear-to-ear smiles
beaming at me with welcome
yet with a hint of strain

The world, so beautiful
too beautiful

The environment around me
so unbelievably admirable
yet seems so masterfully created

Myself, so praised
too praised

Attention from everyone
so very convenient
yet seems so intentional

Everything, so perfect
too perfect

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Ryan's Thoughts #7: Alone Time

Author's Note: In this piece I tried to write an anecdote which was slightly tough for me due to the fact that I detest them. The one thing I don't really about this piece is that I didn't bridge my topics together very well so it seems a bit rough.

For me, Spring Break is a time where I can isolate myself, and for once, relax and think about what I choose. When I was away from the persistant annoyance of socialization, whether it was when I sat on my family's condo's linai looking over our community's pool or when I was relaxing in my comfortable, beige rocking chair as I played PS3, was when I truly enjoyed the essence of Spring Break. We call it a break because it is a time to get away from our dry, daily routines and do as we choose.

Yet, my surroundings escalated the levels of isolation to an unexpected burden. When we are down at our Florida home, my family uses a portable WiFi source which provides an internet connection to all of the compatible devices in our home. Unfortunately, it has not always been the most trustworthy one. Time and time again we struggle with getting it to work properly for an extended period of time. It frustrates us like no other, because without the internet we have minimal contact to our relations back at home and have no access to the essential tools needed to complete some things such as work and homework.

My mother was in a frenzy for she was unable to access her e-mail, which is the headquarters and most important item of her work, my sister was able to attend to a large portion of the mountain of homework which she was assigned, and I myself was in a very similar situation as her. At this point, to be in such a state of solitude was not to our liking.

So we did what we could, but little progress was made. Looking back on the experience, nothing was gained by this, except for a renewed appreciation for the resources we obtain. I guess I could be happy about that new handy-dandy lesson, but instead I choose to dwell on the negatives, for the magnitude of them clearly outweighed the positive. I think it is, frankly, stupid for our everyday lives to depend on the internet so heavily when it can find itself unable to function so often. The internet is a useful tool, but we must be careful how much we rely on it, because if it fails a bottomless pit of frustration awaits us. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Fourth Dimension

Author's Note: In first grade, I, and hopefully most of you, learned of the three basic dimensions, these being length, height and width. This makes sense because they are tangible objects that we can move throughout, for the most part. The exception is that you cannot move freely upwards without machinery, but that is beside the point. In The Time Traveler, H.G. Wells presents the theory that there is a fourth dimension, yet we just haven’t been able to access it yet. If we were able to develop something that would allow us to travel through time we would have successfully proven that there is the fourth dimension, time.
--
The rough sediment dug into my flesh and made a strong bond with my already coarse hair. Dust formed a thick blanket over my weary eyes and stuffed my nose. I picked up my legs, which slowly pulled my body to an upright position. With the back of my hand I wiped the dust from my eyes and slowly opened them, squinting from the few particles of sand that I failed to remove. The sun beat my forehead to such a degree that I thought my flesh was about to suddenly spark flames that would burn me alive. With a couple of winks I scanned the horizon. Nothing. No matter where I looked there was only dry, barren desert. As my feet dragged across the earth, right, left, right, left, I moved towards the horizon.

Minutes, hours, days pass without change. Just the sun, desert, and me, two against one, immortal against mortal. It was a battle I was sure to lose but I was there for a reason. A pioneer I was and I wasn’t going to stop until I proved that to my fellow colleagues. Time travel, preposterous! Not anymore, you non-believers.

 I went on like this for some time. The funny thing is I never thought of giving up, lying down and dying for a second throughout the days that I travelled. Adrenaline is a peculiar thing. When it seems that all is lost it is the lone spark that can make everything fall into place. Adrenaline is what carried me to the finish line.

As I saw that skyscraper on the horizon a modest smile crossed my face. My feet stopped moving for the first time since I began the journey and relief surged through my body like electricity. These were not the emotions that I was expecting. I thought I was going to jump into the air and let a scream of happiness, but that is not how it was. Relief was all. Relief that I was right, that I didn’t have to go back to my time and tell all the scientists that they were right, and most of all that I wasn’t going to die of thirst.

One might ask how I knew it was the future from just one skyscraper. You see, this skyscraper made the Sears Tower look like a one-story pawn shop. It didn’t just scrap the sky; it tore a hole through it. The shadow that ran from the base of structure had to be half a mile long and fifty yards wide. Walking in the shadow was the first break from the pounding sun for days and it filled me with euphoria.

In that day, I reached the border of the city. The way the city met the desert. Metropolitan met lifelessness within the span of inches. A single light board read “Welcome to Draegovich”. Based off the title of this city I conjectured that I was somewhere in Russia or a place where its roots were close with the Russians and then later converted to English.

As I stepped through the dividing line between Draegovich and the desert three guards rushed out of a booth that went unnoticed to me barking commands in rough English. Two of the guards seized me by the collar and arms while one stood in front of me. Each one was mirror images of each other. Short black hair with grey ascending from the bottom, a stubbly five o’clock shadow, blue-grey eyes, muscles of a bull, and wrinkles accenting the eyes and mouth.

“Who are you?” shouted the guard parallel to me.

“Alfred Christianson.” I replied my voice shaking.

“From where?”

“University of Boston. I’m one of the professors in the department of technological studies.”

“Boston? I haven’t heard of that name since Czechovic blew them off the map. Sir, tell us where you are from or else we will have no choice but detain you.”

“I am from the University of Boston. I invented a time machine and have traveled to the future which is the present to you. May I ask you what year I am in?”

“2063.”

Success is a great feeling, my friend. To know that all you had worked for, all you had stood for, had been correct is a moment that puts all those other feelings of happiness to shame. When I realized that I had succeeded in my studies I realized that all the years of dead-end research had summated to this one defining moment, and when I say that I will never forget that moment, I am in the right.

“Men, you are seeing history, though that word is quite ironic in such context. I am the first time traveler. Come to think of it, you must have heard of me?” The guards furrowed their brow and shook their heads, “But you must’ve! I am the greatest scientist of all times! I am the first time traveller!”

“Sir, I am afraid I have not heard of you, yet I do believe we know someone that could help. Resnov, take this gentleman to Headquarters. Tell Gregorivich that I sent him.”

“Yes, lieutenant.” replied the second guard. With a salute, I was off to “Headquarters”.

A black truck that resembled a Hummer on steroid rolled up along the street. I was thrown into the back and we drove down the smoothly paved street. My attempts to peer out the deeply tinted windows failed and I had no choice but to wait until I was summoned.

In what I can only estimate was twenty minutes, who I assume to be, Resnov pulled me out of the hummer. My head slowly fell back to gaze the very skyscraper that provided me shadow. The impeccably polished black glass emanated with modern day luxury and gave the person looking on an odd feeling of unimportance.

We moved to the large double doors that stood erect in the exact center of the front wall. This particular door was like none other. It rose two stories above the pavement and after scanning the eye of the guard it descended into the depths of the ground.

I expected the interior to be bustling with military personal with large electronic screens mapping out battle plans, yet I was far off on that one. A modest secretary sat at a maple desk, with an average white blouse on. I looked around expecting there to be some hidden door but there was none.

Resnov took me over to a brass elevator to the left of the desk and sent us to the 117th floor. As the doors creaked open and the elevator music faded behind us, we found ourselves in a small cubicle which, unfortunately, was clearly made for one. The silver steel of the wall ascended to the ceiling and the only decoration was a small number pad on the parallel wall. Resnov typed in the numbers quickly and the doors unfolded around us leaving us in a luxurious room with files and books filling the walls and floors.

“To Gregorivich we stand!” barked Resnov which was followed by a stiff bow and a salute.

“Sit now, Resnov. Why have you brought this man before me?” Asked Gregorivich with such command that it made me shudder.

“He claims that he invented time travel.”

“And why have you come to me?”

“Because he’s unknown. You would think that with the invention of time travel he would be known as the greatest scientist of all time, but there has never been a whisper of his name.

“How do we even know that he is from the past and created the time machine?”

“Uh… well, he said so.”

“So we are basing our country off of verbal evidence only?”

“Well… no, sir.”

“Then let me ask you, Christianson, may you explain your time traveling theories to me.”

“Of course! I built the mechanism with…”

“I’m sorry for not making myself clear. I don’t want to hear what the mechanism is; I want to hear how time travel works.”

“Well, I would first to state that going backwards in time is possible, but is so tricky not to skew that I decided not to try it, this first trial. This is because of those theories of paradoxes about if you kill your grandfather, then you would never exist, which would allow him to live, allowing you to live, and you can then kill your grandfather, and the cycle goes on and on. This is the same with the future, but since you are coming from past, someone from the future, or the present in your case, has to skew the events, such as killing the time traveler. This would then create the paradox as in the first example.”

“What happens when a paradox occurs?”

“Worst case scenario, life stops.”

“So, the risks are pretty high, ay?”

“Yes, sir” Gregorivich looked back to Resnov.

“Though this man is without any tangible evidence of what he claims to have done, I shall look into the topic. Come with me, Christianson. Not you, Resnov.” Gregorivich lead me into a large library-type room where manila folders overflowed from the walls. He moved his thick finger across the cabinets.

Gregorivich spoke in a loud voice as if there was a fan above, but I believe it was just to state authority. “This is all of our records. Every bit of intel is stored here. You may think that it is stupid to store everything here. First, because if anyone is trying to steal our knowledge they will probably take the computer at my desk which is just a decoy, leaving them empty handed. Second, look around you. How long do you think it would take you to find something when you don’t know the exact whereabouts of it? Ah, here we are.” Gregorivich grabbed a file and started flipping through page upon page. “I’m sorry, Christianson, but we have no record. For all we know you are a delusional person from the streets who infiltrated our system through our incompetent guards. I’m sorry to inform you, but your fate has come. We are forced to execute you. We cannot take the risk of you sharing what you’ve seen. “Resnov, take this man to Area 37.”

“Yes, sir” replied Resnov, and he took me to Area 37.

I struggled against Resnov’s grasp but it was like iron clasps were attached to my arms, leaving me unable to move. Helplessness is a scary feeling and it is exactly what I felt. All I had done was lost, forever in the future, in Area 37.

My last flail was the final straw for Resnov and he swiftly knocked me out. The next thing I knew, I was in an all steel room, handcuffed to a chair, staring at a guard. The guard held a pistol in my direction.

“Any last words?” the guard’s sinister voice filled the room.

“All is lost.” I replied.

As his finger clenched the trigger, the last thing I saw was “Christianson” embedded on his uniform.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What Happened?

Author's Note: In this post, I wrote about a question that has coursed through my mind for a long time now. What happened? We have all asked ourselves this at one time or another so I tried to make this relatable. For the poem's structure, I mainly tried to use repetition for effect. I also used similar, yet not exact, stanza structure.

What happened
To the good times we shared
To the laughing and the crying
To the memories and dreams?

What happened
To the breeze across our face
To the grass caressing our skin
To the sun burning our nose?

What happened
To the games that we played
To the talks that we had
To the jokes that we made?

What happened
To the love that we shared
To the happiness we had
To the feelings which we showed?

What happened
To Life as we know it
To the Truth in our lives
To the thing known as Us?

What happened?