Author's Note: This was a poem that was derived from a stream of consciousness about recess. It symbolizes more than just trees having a boring life, it symbolizes those people that are in the background. If you find this topic interesting and would like to see another post, go to Brad Wahlgren's blog, also know as "The Blog of Wahlgren" and read the "Wallpaper" post. It is very cool. You may need to follow it but here is the web address anyways:
http://bradwahlgren.blogspot.com/2010/02/wallpaper.html
I stand here by myself for
years,
years,
years,
I wish to do with my life
something,
something,
something
As the kids rush by I wish to
run,
run,
run
Deja Vu overwhelmes me
forever,
forever,
forever
And all I have ever thought is
if only,
if only,
if only
Hey guys,
ReplyDeleteI'm a little shaky on this so if you could give some feedback that would be great.
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI'm from the eighth grade advanced class and I think that this poem is really good. The way you repeat the word three times is really cool, but you should continue that if you're going to do that. In the last line for example, you should continue the repetitiveness and it'll sound really good.
-Karen
I like your clever use of repitition. :)
ReplyDeleteI like your clever use of repitition. :)
ReplyDeleteSee. You can right poetry Ryan. Why do you always doubt yourself?
ReplyDeleteThat leaves a haunting and lasting impression. Very good.
ReplyDeleteThank you everybody. This is for Matt. The reason I sometimes doubt my poetry is because it just doesn't feel right to me.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same Ryan.
ReplyDeletePoor tree, haha. Good poem though. I can't do repitition to save my life!
ReplyDeleteO my gosh that is really good! We are supposed to give you something to work on next time (at least thats what Mr. Johnson said!) but it is so good and I can't think of anything that you could improve this with!
ReplyDeleteWow! I really liked it but I kind of feel like it should be a little longer. The repetition really does add intensity, though!
ReplyDeleteRyan,
ReplyDeleteI'm from the 8th grade advanced language arts class, and this is awesome. Great repetitional pattern. There is nothing you could improve in this poem and you shouldn't doubt your work, maybe if you are doubting your writing you could ahve other people read it before you post it. I really like your poem. :)
Poor tormented tree. This is a really cool poem with the repetition. But it kinda feels like it was cut off. Maybe you could make it longer.
ReplyDeleteThat's awsome way to write a poem. COOL
ReplyDelete~k8lyn
Wow ryan this is really good. Your use of repition was really cool
ReplyDeleteIf this poem was continued it could go one of two ways it could go into a dark place or a place of happiness. Good job though! I really loved it! It was creepy but at the same time I could see a lot of questions emerging from it.
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan! This is Samm from the 8th grade class! I really like this poem. From all the really good things that people are saying about your poetry it sounds like you are a realy good poet. I really liked this poem alot and especially the repititional patter. I think that if you are douting yourself about something that you write you should give it to one of your class mates to read because by the look of this there are many people telling you that you are doing a really awesome job! Keep up the writing! I really hope to see more of this type of stuff!
ReplyDelete~Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm S :)
I shall. Thank you for the advice
ReplyDelete